When I started on this journey to "find myself", I was coming out of a fresh heartbreak with someone I thought I had loved. But I have a tendency to mix up what was reality with what was all inside my head.

Is that what my life boils down to? A series of things that I have rewritten in my head so many times that I no longer know true fact from fiction?

I have no desire to go back to living in a non-reality, but seemingly, more and more each day I find that I have forgotten how to live in reality--I have forgotten a lot of things that have happened in my life. I've kept them well documented in journals, pictures, and mementos that I have stored away in cluttered boxes. I've been slowly unpacking boxes that I haven't touched in years and I've found journals and memory books that people created for me eons ago. I had forgotten they existed. These people from my past that I was so bent on remembering forever. I forgot them. All of them. I remember most of the people who hurt me--but not necessarily why--but I seemed to have forgotten the true people that have shaped me, that helped me. The people who played "extras" to the supporting roles in my life. If I hadn't found these boxes, would I have remembered to include them in the credits when they finally roll?

and isn't it ironic?

Isn't it ironic that once you're gone, you're missed... but you can never go back once you leave.

Entry 1 Jan 17th 12am

Entry 1 Jan. 18th 12:00am

Just got home from the theatre. I worked 2p-6p and stayed after (like usual) to do some of the "extra" work I'm all too-willing to volunteer myself for. I don't know why I do that all the time--I bite off wayy more than I can chew. And each time I stretch myself too thin, I always swear I'm not going to get myself in the same trap.... and guess what? I do it over and over again. Does that make me a pushover? Maybe. Does it get me any further than where I am? Probably not. But someday, somehow, it's gotta pay off. I just hope that's before I'm stretched thin enough to snap. xoxo