Every few years I seem to find my way back to this blog; reading it has always been sort of a cathartic, nostalgic experience. It's like I have left breadcrumbs back to certain emotions & experiences of my past; crafting words to reach me in the future.
My first blog post was in 2008--3 years after I graduated high school--almost 14 years ago. I was 21 years old, experiencing life in college in a dorm room--before dropping out of college, before I moved out on my own with Xena, before I found my job that turned into my career, before I paid off my first car... before I bought my first couch or owned a bed larger than a twin.
When you're living and planning towards your future, you don't realize how much time is passing or the milestones you are hitting. It's true what they say: the older you get, the faster time flies.
Today, I am 35. I have a mortgage. I have purchased not 1 couch in my life... but 2. I have a guest room with it's own bed. I have a backyard with a fence. I. Have. A. Garage. My car is paid off. I am on track to have my credit cards paid off in a few months and my student loans next year.
I have a stable job where I am respected and sought after for my knowledge. I have a 401k.
I have friends who I go to brunch with. I volunteer. I take walks in the morning around my block.
I have a brand new robot vacuum that brings me so much joy each morning when I empty its bin
I have a dog who I adore just as much as I did Xena; who brings me so much happiness and comfort.
I underwent bariatric surgery in May and recovered with virtually no complications; I have lost 49lbs and have more energy today then I did in the last 3 years.
I've made my bed every morning for almost an entire month. I make budgets and plans for my future. I am about to finish my first class in school--and I am committed to completing my AA in 2023.
Reading back through this blog reminds me of where I started. 14 years ago... I had no idea that this would be my life at 35. I really never had a picture of where I was headed and now that I am here; I really couldn't imagine changing a thing. Every experience--even the ones that were painful or embarrassing--put me on the pathway to this present time.
I've built a life that, if I really am honest, 99% of the time I am in love with. And I am just overwhelmed with enormous gratitude.
So, future Natalie, when you are reading this 14 years from now (i.e. in 2036), I cannot wait to look back on what you've done & become. I know there will be grief ahead; and times when I'll feel lonely; but I hope I've continued to curate a life I love.
But the real shout out goes to Past Natalie: her emo-phase, her heart breaks, the brilliant girl who lived off a grocery budget of $25/week. The girl who's first apartment had roaches and who's first car would over heat in traffic so she had to blast the heat in 95 degree weather. The girl who lost her virginity at 24 but didn't own a real couch until she was 30 and had a second hand bed until age 34. The girl who wore jeans with holes in them because she couldn't afford new ones. The woman who earned her way up through grit, hard work, and full time anxiety; moving to Alabama, then to Tennessee, and back to Florida--single, and on her own. The woman who, after being diagnosed with depression in a global pandemic, looked at her life and decided to change it. The woman who saved, planned, and went out & bought a BRAND NEW townhouse, built just for her--and filled it with beautiful, meaningful memories & things. The woman, who after losing her best friend waited for over 2 years until she found her soul complete again. The woman who is learning to set boundaries against people and situations that hurt her; and chooses every day to look for the good in the world & in herself; who strives each day to no longer allow others to shame her.
She's the real MVP--and I hope that I continue to be even half the amazing person she is turning out to be. <3
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